


Let Go

by SweetyGreeny



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28528185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetyGreeny/pseuds/SweetyGreeny
Summary: Johan, now twenty-three, lives in Berlin, Germany, alone. His days are average due to him taking a 'break' from dueling, and it's been years since he's seen Judai. The brunette still lingered on his mind every day, and he couldn't find it in himself to let his memories of the boy go. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so painful, but all Johan could do was live through it.(This takes place years after GX season 4, a hc follow up of Johan and Judai, if you will.)TW! A character experiences a light panic attack.
Relationships: Johan Andersen | Jesse Anderson/Yuuki Juudai | Jaden Yuki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> This was planned to be one big oneshot, but it may become a two parter due to extra (nsfw) things I want to add. For now, though, I think it's nice the way it is. So if I do write anymore, I'll just add it in a second chapter. Please enjoy!
> 
> Once again, TW! A character experiences a light panic attack.

Berlin wasn’t new to Johan, having visited many times for European Duel Monsters competitions. It was only a quick flight from Denmark to Germany, after all, albeit expensive. However, at the age of twenty-three, Johan never imagined living there; for the time being, at least.

Johan never saw himself as someone who’d settle in one place, not even living in Denmark for more than a year at a time since being a teenager. Now, he’d not only been in Germany for four years, but had also given up dueling. Well, mostly given up, is what he told himself; ignoring the fact he hadn’t touched a Duel Monsters card since graduating. Aside from his Crystal Beasts, of course, whom he always carried with him.

He told himself it was because he’d found a new talent, something that had taken up most of his time and even given him a job out of the spotlight of the professional dueling league; but he knew the reason was something else entirely. It was upsetting to think about, though, painful even. Yet, walking through Berlin in the late evening, Johan couldn’t stop the gears in his mind from turning. Seeing Duel Monsters, or even thinking about the game, had Johan’s memories set off like a rapidly flashing slideshow.

Even though it pained him, Johan couldn’t help but find some amusement in it. After everything he’d been through at Duel Academia, after all the traumatic events that happened because of dueling, the only images in his slideshow were of Judai. The exciting duels they had together, the time they spent together, the overwhelmingly bright smile Judai wore when they would sit alone; going through past duels and new dueling strategies. It showed Johan how much of an impact the other had on him, and even though thinking of Judai should’ve given him a sense of fondness, the memories were only bittersweet.

It was painful.

Judai’s leaving was a shock to everyone, having vanished without even a simple goodbye. They all expected to see him in Duel Monsters competitions, to see his name or face on television more than once, but there was nothing. Johan didn’t keep in contact with the others from the academy, having (admittedly) only gotten close enough to Judai to want to keep in contact, so there was no possible way for him to find out where the other had disappeared to. Now it’d been six years and there hadn’t been a word from or about Judai, and each passing year it affected Johan more and more. To say he missed him was an understatement.

Even with Judai being gone, and even with the painful memories that would never leave him, Johan knew he was still with Judai in spirit. It was difficult to describe, but Johan could _feel_ it; could feel Judai’s aura by his side. That feeling kept him somewhat hopeful, made it possible for him to still be able to smile and get through his day to day life without misery, even though he knew it would’ve sounded crazy to anyone he’d try to explain it to. Judai would’ve understood, though, Judai always understood. That was one of the things that made him shine.

Sighing, Johan walked into his usual hangout spot – a small, classic bar with a warm atmosphere – and sat down at the bar to relax himself after a long day of work. The bartender, a large man with an impressive beard, immediately recognised him; smiling in greeting and sliding a cold mug of beer into his hand.

“ _Guten Tag_ Johan, big day today?”

“A ridiculous day, more like. With Christmas coming, me and the boss got a huge amount of orders come in, had to work overtime to finish the designs alone” Johan complained, taking a swig of his drink and letting out a refreshed ‘ _ahh’._

The bartender shook his head “Oh Johan, I don’t know why you still work under that man. Your name has a good enough reputation to start your own business.”

“I couldn’t do that to the boss, he’s only an old man” Johan shrugged, a small smile on his lips. “Besides, I still don’t know how to actually shape metal, I only know how to do the glass sculpting and crystal aligning. It’s a team effort, and I don’t really need the extra money from being my own boss anyway.”

“You are the only person I know of who says they couldn’t do with a little more money, you know” the bartender chuckled, cleaning mugs and glasses as he did so.

After losing his passion for dueling, Johan found love in something he never thought he’d have a talent in; glass sculpting. Those around him thought it was weird for him to suddenly pick up, even Johan admitting it was a completely random thing to do, but they couldn’t deny the talent he held. It was a family friend that introduced him to it, suggesting he join a short art course after expressing his concerns about being hobby-less when graduating from Duel Academia's northern school. Johan had wanted to go into music to hone his piano playing skills, but after getting lost, found himself looking through a window to see blow torches burning a magnificent blue with beautiful, shining sculptures lining the room.

The sculptures being covered in crystals was definitely what captured his interest the most.

The teacher of the class recommended him to the old man in Germany who’d made a name for himself in his small shop – with his incredible sculptures lined with silver, gold, and various crystals – and was looking for a protégé to help run the shop and eventually take over. Johan wasn’t sure about the taking over part, but he was happy working under the man. The most memorable project the two of them received was creating three six feet tall Blue Eyes White Dragons lined with pure silver and encrusted with real blue diamonds for the eyes; something they’d created for Kaiba Corp itself. Although having no idea what they were for and almost killing the two of them in the process, it gave their small shop a big name. At the same time, Johan was discovered to be working at the shop by his pro-dueling league fans and Duel Monsters enthusiasts in general; something he suspected Kaiba Corp had known from the start. Yet, even with the credibility and the money flying in, the old man kept his shop small and humble – something Johan couldn’t help admiring.

“The piano’s free tonight, if you hadn’t noticed. Wouldn’t mind hearing a tune or two” the bartender spoke up, nodding towards said instrument in the corner of the room.

Piano, another of Johan’s random talents. It was more something his mother pushed him into, but he learned to love it.

Looking around the place, Johan noticed only a few people occupied it, and shrugged as he stood up to walk towards the instrument with beer in hand. Placing the beverage on top of the small piano, Johan placed himself on the seat, stretching his fingers as he did so. He could play a range of songs, it was the lively ones he liked, but there was an overwhelming urge that day to play one song in particular.

With a long breath and a gentle placement of his fingers on the keys, he started to play. He let the music flow through him, through the tips of his fingers, through the piano and throughout the bar. Some people turned to look, smiling dreamily at the sound, while others closed their eyes to listen.

For Johan it felt freeing to play, as it felt for most pianists, but with the piece he was currently playing it was more than freeing, it was releasing.

The song in question was the main piece from Spirited Away, a favourite movie of his. It always reminded him of Judai, for more reasons than just being of Japanese origin.

A girl who wore a bright smile with a heart of gold, who brought joy to those around her and saved those from themselves. A girl who was in over her head, who found herself lost in a confusing world and blamed all the bad things happening on herself.

A girl who vanished without a trace.

It screamed Judai through and through, but the only difference - the girl came back home. Judai was still lost somewhere in this confusing world, and no one could find him.

Johan’s brow furrowed in concentration, that feeling of his soul by Judai’s side escalating as he played. He was with him, Johan felt a part of him, and he only hoped Judai felt _him_ just as much as he felt Judai.

There was a sudden rush through his body, almost like a chill but more pleasant, and there was a light peep from Ruby appearing by his side when his fingers immediately stopped as he sat still with wide, unblinking eyes. The few people in the bar looked at him, eyes questioning why he stopped mid performance, but Johan only blinked as he turned towards the window next to him.

Had someone walked past? He could hardly tell, with the windows being stained glass, but he swore he felt someone brush past him. It was impossible, though, with how he was positioned at the piano. Even more odd, it felt as if that person was outside, which definitely wasn’t possible.

Ruby was staring out the window too, eyes wide and unblinking.

“Everything okay, Johan?” the bartender called, making him snap out of this thoughts.

He wanted to ask Ruby if she felt that too – that strange presence – but decided it was better to shake it off.

“Ah, yes. Sorry folks, but you’ll love this next piece!”

With that, Johan quickly started a new song, his small audience no longer giving looks of complaint. It must’ve been the fatigue from work, Johan decided. That, or he was finally going insane.

…

The next day Johan was given permission to work from home, only having to finish the designs of the last of the sculptures. The old man told him he’d start on the ones that were ready for sculpting, and Johan was grateful he didn’t have to go outside for the day. Even so, the world played its cruel jokes, and one of them was Johan’s fridge being barren of any edible food. So, with a defeated groan and a few minutes of lying on the floor, the man threw his coat on and begrudgingly walked out the door.

Berlin winter was always harsh – the snow never-ending and scaring away even the stubbornest of street performers – so why there was a large crowd gathered near the grocery store, he didn’t know. It was made adamantly clear why when a sudden eruption of holographic smoke appeared from the centre of those gathered.

Duel Monsters, right. Not even the apocalypse could stop duelists.

Letting his interest get the better of him, Johan decided to walk up to the commotion. He couldn’t see the duelists, but he could see one large Red Eyes Black Dragon beyond the crowd. There was a yell of summoning Baby Dragon, too, and Johan could only guess it was a Jonouchi Katsuya wannabe.

_“I summon Winged Kuriboh in defence mode!”_

The summon had some in the crowd cooing at the cute card, Johan blinking in surprise from the summon being called out in another language. He couldn’t hear too well, but he knew it definitely wasn’t German. Possibly…was it Japanese?

Even if it was, it would’ve been a coincidence, and Johan made himself forget it as he watched the creature appear before the dragon. Trust him to stumble upon a duel that had Winged Kuriboh in it.

The card was rare, but not rare enough that only the one person he associated it with had it.

Suddenly, that same feeling from in the bar washed over him, eyes wide as he stared at the Winged Kuriboh hologram in front of him. No, he must’ve been seeing things, but surely…did that card _look_ at him?

Whatever it was, when coming back to his senses, the Kuriboh looked untouched, like a normal hologram. He must’ve been going crazy, that was the only explanation for it. Although, Ruby had suddenly decided to appear on his shoulder, and her eyes seemed just as big as his.

Johan shook his head, deciding it was better to walk away from the duel, but was stopped again when hearing a familiar sound after an attack was called and a card was destroyed. Quickly turning his head back to the crowd, the man saw something floating towards him. It was something small, something fluffy yet slightly transparent, something he knew he couldn’t mistake for anything else.

“Winged Kuriboh?” he yelled, the Duel Monsters spirit letting out a joyful chirp as it hovered happily in front of him. “Are you really…? But you couldn’t be...”

Ruby leaped from his shoulder to grab onto Winged Kuriboh, making loud, cheerful sounds at the other card spirit while it fell to the ground.

There was a new call from one of the duellists, summoning a powerful monster that the crowd awed at. Johan didn’t quite catch the card’s name, but when turning towards the duel, his heart started to hammer in his chest.

Elemental Hero Neos, there was no mistaking that card as it stood proudly on the field. There was no one else who could own that card, no possible way anyone else could have it, and Johan didn’t think twice as he ran back towards the crowd to push through it.

There was another call, a call to attack. Johan knew that voice.

The two dragons on the field went up in explosions, the crowd cheering. Johan persistently pushed through.

There was the sound of life points dropping to zero while Johan’s heart boomed as he emerged from the front of the crowd.

Finally able to see the duelists, he looked between them. On one side was a stranger, someone he’d never seen before, but on the other…on the other, he had to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

The brunette with the red winter jacket waved to the crowd, a soft smile on his face, looking flustered as words of praise were thrown at him in German. He looked around the crowd, trying his best to thank everyone, but immediately stopped when his gaze caught with Johan’s.

It was winter, if piles and piles of snow were any indication, it was definitely winter. So why did Johan feel heat wash from his chest throughout his body? It couldn’t have been from those brown eyes that shined at him.

Snow started to fall between them, but neither noticed, the flakes moving in slow motion when Johan lunged forward. Every part of his being felt as if it were on fire, his legs heavier than they’d ever been before when lifting them closer, closer.

He was almost close enough to touch, reaching his arm out, the other slowly lifting his own in response. They were so close, he had to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

He was so close.

But of course, the world decided such a perfect moment couldn’t exist, and with a step left, Johan’s boot slipped in the snow.

He crashed into the duelist, sending both of them to the ground, the crowd watching on in confused amusement as the two lay still in the glistening powder.

With a grunt Johan sat up, remembering the other was there as he groaned under him. He had his hands placed either side of the duelist’s head, the man wincing from the pain of the fall. The snow around them was falling normally again, the crowd giggling lightly - some gasping and asking if that was _the_ Johan Andersen - and Johan’s cheeks went a bright red as the man under him looked up.

“I…” Johan started, his head running a million miles a minute. “Hi.”

The duelist in red blinked at him “Hi.”

There was a long pause while the two looked at each other, but it was harshly broken as they both erupted in laughter. Johan was pulled into a tight hug when arms wrapped around him to pull him down, almost sending his face into the snow and making him laugh harder.

“Why the _hell_ are you here?” the brunette laughed.

“Why the hell are _you_ here?!” Johan laughed back, the two of them immediately forgetting the world around them.

It wasn’t a dream; it wasn’t a hallucination. Judai was there, Judai was really _there_ , and Judai had his arms squeezed around Johan tight as they both laughed stupidly.

Maybe the world granted them a perfect moment after all.

…

It was surreal, Johan thought, to have Judai sitting across from him with five beer mugs between them; three of them empty, two because of Judai. Six long years it’d been, and the only difference Johan could see was the duelist had gotten a slight bit taller. Still shorter than himself, though, something Judai immediately complained about upon seeing each other again.

But something was bugging him, something he was itching to ask since bringing Judai to the bar.

“Where’s Yubel?”

Judai blinked over his mug “Yubel? Oh, they’re wandering around Germany themselves.”

“They can do that?” emerald eyes blinked “Won’t you, I don’t know, lose connection or something?”

Johan was under the impression the two of them weren’t able to exactly, well, _separate_. Considering they’d combined their souls and all.

The duelist across from him snickered “Of course! They’re bound to me, but it’s not like they have to stay _near_ me. They can even go to another country without me, I’ll just always be able to feel them. You make it sound like Yubel’s a Wi-Fi signal, which would make me the router.”

The brunette couldn’t stop his snickering, cheeks tinted pink from the amount of alcohol he’d already consumed. Johan found himself chuckling along, finishing his own drink in one large swig just to loudly order another. He supposed if Judai was drinking to let loose, so could he.

“Oh! While we’re together…” Judai trailed off, Johan watching as the duelist placed down his mug to turn to the bag next to him.

Pharaoh, sitting on said bag, made a sound of annoyance as Judai shooed him off to search through it. Johan inwardly thanked the owner being kind enough to let the cat inside, most bars would’ve immediately kicked them and the animal out.

A loud slap made the blue haired man jump, looking down to see a deck sitting in front of him. He couldn’t see the cards, but the familiar feeling radiating from them had Johan knowing _exactly_ what they were.

“Your Neo-Spacians!” He beamed, grabbing the deck to shuffle through the cards. “And your Elemental Heroes too!”

Each card radiated with happiness in his hands, clearly happy to see their master’s old friend again. Johan silently greeted them all.

“I recall you saying you wanted Neos’ autograph?” Judai smiled, the other laughing in response.

“Yeah, and he never gave it to me. Or I should say _you_ never _let_ him give it to me. I’m glad to see him again, though.”

Judai hummed at that, looking down at his half empty mug. There was a hint of something in his voice, but it wasn’t an emotion Johan could place.

“So, where’ve you been?” Johan asked, Judai immediately sitting back up.

“Oh, you know,” he began while loosely waving his hand “here and there. I’ve been in Germany for about a month now, but I was in Austria before coming here. I’m getting on a boat for England at some point, I think.”

Johan blinked at that “So, do you find jobs in each country? Where’s your income coming from?”

“Hey,” Judai smirked as he pointed an accusing finger at the man “it’s rude to ask that, sir. Never talk about another man’s finances.”

The taller chuckled, but decided to play along as he placed his chin in his hand and leaned forward. “Oh, is it? Forgive me, but I just want to make sure _someone_ pays for all this alcohol.”

With a smile the brunette let his head flop to the side while pretending to hum in thought, “Fair enough, I suppose. You get away with it, but just this once.”

Johan had always thought Judai was endearing in his own way, he had a charming boyishness to him. He’d never actually seen the other tipsy before, and it only made the brunette’s mannerisms that much cuter. Dare Johan say, adorable, even.

“I get money from dueling” Judai stated, causing the other to furrow his brow.

“From tournaments?” he asked, wondering if he’d missed any Duel Monsters tournaments Judai could’ve possibly participated in. The man shook his head, though, and spoke after another mouthful of beer.

“Nope, just street duels. I usually put on bets with my opponent, and a lot of the time the crowd will throw money at me for the performance. Didn’t do that today, though, since I’ve got enough money for now.”

“Right.”

It sounded like a lot of dueling, but Johan had no doubt Judai enjoyed every second of it. He was glad the brunette had gotten over his fear of dueling, something Johan couldn’t blame him for when remembering what they both went through. He was happy Judai could finally live and duel normally, glad that the man seemed to still be his carefree self.

“What about you? Do you still duel? Haven’t heard your name in the pro-leagues lately” Judai asked, getting Johan’s attention back.

“Uh, no, not really. Too busy with work.”

Judai’s expression immediately softened, his eyes losing their shine. “That’s a lie.”

“Hey” Johan defended with a grin, “some of us have actual jobs. We can’t all be like you.”

“I mean why you don’t duel, it’s a lie.”

Johan realised he clearly hadn’t read the mood properly, noticing the brunette’s look was one of deep thought. When he looked down at the table, Johan caught the way the other’s fingers wrapped so tightly around the mug’s handle that his knuckles turned white.

“It’s because of…what happened, yeah?” Judai spoke, his voice now sounding weaker. “It’s because of Duel Academia, and the…with the darkness…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence, hand now shaking so violently on the mug that the liquid in it was sloshing around. Johan knew these were signs of a panic attack, cursing at himself for thinking Judai had completely gotten over it. No one would ever be able to completely move past something as traumatic as what he went through.

“Judai, hey” Johan spoke softly, leaning forward to place his hand over said man’s own. It made him flinch slightly, but still look up at the other’s soft, reassuring smile. “Sorry, I did lie, but it’s not because of that, I swear.”

The brunette still looked unsure, but closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as he twisted his hand around to wrap his fingers around Johan’s. They sat still for a while, Johan watching him carefully as the brunette let out a loud sigh and slowly opened his eyes once more.

For whatever reason, he chuckled lightly, and Johan’s eyebrows raised in confusion.

“Sorry, I can hear Yubel asking if I’m alright” he smiled softly, “I’m assuring them I am.”

Johan gave the man a concerned look, but blinked when his hand was tightly squeezed and brown eyes met his emerald ones.

“I’m okay, sorry. I’m…okay.”

Judai repeated himself, his eyes slowly dropping back towards the table.

It could’ve been the alcohol in his system, but at that moment, Judai’s touch on his hand started to burn. Strangely enough, it was a pleasant feeling; one he didn’t want to forget.

That was certainly odd.

They hadn’t realised they’d been sitting in silence until Pharaoh yawned next to them, the animal’s nasally meow making both of them turn to look at him. They then turned back towards each other, stared at the other for a moment, and both let out silent huffs of laughter before letting their hands go.

“So, how do you feed that one?” Johan asked, nodding towards Pharaoh.

“Well, Pharaoh eats just about anything, but I make sure to carry tins of tuna with me at all times.” Judai smiled softly, rubbing the top of the cat’s head affectionately.

Johan couldn’t keep his eyes off the man, the alcohol making him feel warm. At least, he hoped it was the alcohol.

The two were interrupted when the usual bartender came over to place two more mugs of beer on the table, both men looking up at him in confusion.

“It’s on the house from me, Johan, in celebration!”

“Celebration?” Johan questioned, Judai looking lost between them from his inability to understand German.

“You’ve visited this bar for years, yet only today have I seen you bring a friend.”

“Ah…” Johan furrowed his brow, realising this truly _was_ the first time he’d invited someone with him. “Ah! You’re right!”

The bartender chuckled, looking towards Judai with a fond smile. Judai blinked in confusion, shifting his eyes from the man, to Johan, and back to the man again; silently asking for help in understanding the situation.

“ _Guten Tag_ ” the man greeted slowly, Judai immediately straightening up in his seat.

“Oh! Uh, _G-Guten Tag_ ”

Johan couldn’t help his fond snicker at the horrible pronunciation, Judai clearly flustered as the bartender nodded at him.

“He seems like a lost little lamb” the man spoke to Johan once more, “you better be sure to look after him, I haven’t seen you enjoy yourself like you have today.”

Johan felt his heart thump at that, eyes shifting to Judai who was awkwardly fidgeting with his now empty beer mug. He didn’t know what that feeling was, deep in his chest, the warmth that felt far different from that of alcohol’s.

It only worsened when Judai glanced up at him, directly meeting his eye.

“Uh, yeah, well…” Johan tried to put his words together, quickly grabbing one of the full mugs of beer and taking a large swig of it. “We’d be having a much better time with more free beer.”

The bartender laughed at him and slapped his back affectionately before leaving the two on their own once more, Johan quietly letting out a nervous breath before taking another large gulp of his drink.

“What was that?” Judai asked, sliding the large glass mug of fresh beer over to himself while looking at Johan expectantly.

“Hm?” Johan blinked, for some reason finding it difficult to keep his eyes on Judai’s. “Ah, I just, uh, I know the guy. He usually gives me free beer.”

That was a lie, why in the world did he lie?

Judai made a sound of slight awe, looking down at the newly acquired mug of beer in his hands.

“Well, if that’s the case, I think it’s fair you pay for this round then” Judai smirked, holding his drink up to his lips.

“Just shut up and drink” Johan laughed, the brunette laughing back at him.

Johan made a mental note to ask the bartender to put everything on his tab for the night.

…

It was late when they left the bar, Johan not checking the time but knowing from the lack of people around.

He and Judai were both pink faced, although Judai was a little bit pinker, and his smile was a little bit goofier. Well, Johan was sure he had an equally goofy smile from watching Judai almost stumble over in the snow multiple times.

They walked through the near empty town of Berlin with Pharaoh following behind them, seemingly unbothered by the snow. The only other people on the streets were fellow drunks, Judai sloppily greeting them in German for them to smile and greet back. Johan couldn’t help but laugh each time.

The whole time Judai would talk about what kind of duelists he’d met, what kind of cards he’d seen, what spirits he’d run into; and every word was spoken with a chime in Johan’s ears. He couldn’t stop staring, _wouldn’t_ stop staring, and felt the warmth of Judai’s presence as they walked shoulder to shoulder.

His head was too swirled up to think about it, but he didn’t want to think about it anyway. Judai was in front of him, smiling at him, giggling next to him, and not even the summer sun could warm Johan the way the boyish brunette could.

He worried he’d wake up to this all being a dream.

They somehow stumbled upon a fountain, Judai making a noise of awe from the way the lights glistened on the water to make it shimmer a radiant gold. Johan had walked past the fountain countless times - morning, noon and night - and never found it more than just pleasing to stare at. But for whatever reason, on this particular night, it held a beauty that forced an amazed breath to escape him in a cold cloud of mist.

“Hm, I wish there was music” Judai hummed as he hopped up to the fountain, Johan following behind him whilst Pharaoh moved to jump up and rest on the edge of it.

“Music? Like what?”

Judai shrugged and tilted his head, staring at the sculptures embedded in the fountain’s design. “I don’t know, I just feel like hearing some. I feel so fuzzy there’s a tune in my head, I wish it was out here too.”

“So you can dance to it?” Johan smiled, Judai turning his head and smiling back.

“No, so you can hear it too.”

Johan’s heart thumped - a very loud and heavy thump - and he felt his breath shake as Judai started to giggle next to him.

“Yubel’s telling me not to drink so much, too late for that” the brunette singsonged, blinking suddenly as a foriegn sound cut through the air.

He turned to see Johan holding his phone up, a familiar piano piece playing through it.

“It might not be the tune in your head” Johan smiled softly “but it’s the best I can do.”

Judai smiled brightly, taking Johan by surprise as he grabbed the man’s hand and pulled him a step away from the fountain. The brunette wrapped his arms around his shoulders, Johan automatically putting a hand on his waist while the other awkwardly held his phone.

“Come on, dance with me” Judai beamed, Johan’s head now swirling for an entirely different reason.

He didn’t question it, and quickly shoved his phone in his jacket pocket where the muffled sound of music still played.

Judai spun them around a few times - without any poise and little to no grace - both too numb-faced to care for their footwork anyway. It wasn’t really dancing so much as spinning, and they almost fell over one too many times, but it was perfect.

The cold winter wind brushing their warm faces, Judai’s endless drunk giggling, the lightheaded bliss of too much alcohol and the dizziness it brought.

It was all perfect.

The last Johan saw of Judai was when he was corrupted by darkness, clearly on the verge of breaking down; the memory a haunting one. So to see his eyes so bright, his smile so wide, and hear that carefree laugh Johan had quickly grown to adore when first meeting the duelist - the feeling was extraordinary.

It made him feel like a teenager again - the days not being as carefree as they should’ve been, but they were exciting nonetheless. Johan felt as if he were full of life again, as if the enthusiasm and energy he had while being a duelist finally returned. His heart was beating, beating in a way that made him feel alive. That joy, that exhilaration, that euphoria of living had all come back, and it was because of the drunk brunette smiling in his arms.

It was ridiculous someone could lift him up so high, unfair even, that one person had so much control over him. But Judai was never just one person, Judai was Judai, and Johan always knew that.

The touch on his shoulders, the feet stumbling over his, the bright pink face and lustrous eyes filling him with life; it was _all_ Judai.

And it was wonderful.

The two eventually slowed down their pace, no longer spinning but still moving together. Judai kept giggling, clearly out of breath, whilst Johan sported a cheesy smile - fixated on the man in front of him.

“This song sounds so sad” Judai spoke before looking up in thought, swaying in Johan’s arms. “Actually, no not sad…”

“Bittersweet” Johan smiled, Judai nodding enthusiastically.

“Yeah, that’s it!”

Johan chuckled, the alcohol providing the courage to pull Judai closer to him. Judai didn’t seem to mind, or wasn’t even surprised at the action, instead willingly moving closer in his arms.

“This song reminds me of you, you know” the taller confessed, something he would have been too embarrassed to say any other time.

Judai tilted his head, a mischievous look in his eye “You’ve been thinking of me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Johan gave a cheeky smile back “Are you saying you don’t think about me?”

Johan spun them around this time.

“I think of you” Judai laughed “even in situations I shouldn't.”

“Do I pop into your head during life threatening battles?”

Judai uncharacteristically glanced down “Not...those kinds of situations.”

It could’ve been Johan’s imagination, but he swore the smaller turned pinker for a second.

Brown orbs suddenly moved back up, shimmering brightly as the brunette asked “How do you think of me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like” Judai hummed in thought, “what do you think about when you think of me?”

Johan wanted to answer, but now that he thought about it, he didn’t really know. It was mostly their good times, some of their bad times, but it wasn’t really conversations or specific moments. It was just a look, a sound, a smile. Sometimes a movement or a touch. It could’ve been a small motion that he could remember in vivid detail, or even the feeling of grazing their fingers together, but it was all Judai.

Nothing but Judai.

The duelist stole his every thought, had stolen them all long ago, and Johan hadn’t even realised.

“You.”

Judai blinked.

“Huh?”

“Just you.”

A silence settled between them after Johan’s answer, their movements stopping.

The muffled music still played, stuck on a loop, and Johan’s heartbeat slowly matched Judai’s breathing. There seemed to be a question lingering in Judai’s gaze, Johan asking the same back, but neither had the guts to answer it.

Judai’s eyes shifted to the ground, the hands on Johan’s shoulders gripping slightly.

“Why don’t you duel anymore?”

Johan stared at the smaller for a while. “You really want to know?”

Judai looked back up, the gleam in his eyes being all the confirmation Johan needed.

“I thought it was because I was scared,” he admitted.

Judai’s expression immediately turned to one of guilt, opening his mouth to speak before Johan interrupted him.

“ _But_ , I realised that wasn’t it. I could get over something like ‘fear’ for dueling.”

The brunette’s brow furrowed “So...what’s stopping you?”

Brown orbs were looking at Johan expectantly, making the man swallow hard.

“It’s because of you.”

Judai’s eyes widened, looking more sober than before “Is it because of-”

“No” Johan quickly stopped him, shaking his head “not because of what we went through, or because you did anything. It’s just you.”

The smaller looked lost, staring at Johan with visible confusion. Johan let out a heavy sigh.

“Every time I’d draw a card, I’d think of you. Or when I’d see a duel, I’d remember meeting you. Stupid things like that.”

The brunette seemed stunned at that, blinking one too many times as he processed it. “Why does that stop you from dueling?”

“Because it’s painful” Johan laughed awkwardly, eyes glancing to the ground to avoid Judai’s, “I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. But the strangest part of it, even though I hadn’t seen your face for six years now, I could still remember it like it was yesterday.”

Judai’s breath hitched, and emerald eyes moved back up to lock their gazes together.

Johan pulled Judai closer, their chests an inch from pressing against each other, Johan feeling Judai’s hands shake as fingers moved to link behind his neck.

“You made it impossible to forget you.”

Judai looked like he wanted to speak, his eyes wide and questioning, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stare as Johan leaned in closer, making him tilt his head up and let out a soft, quick gasp.

“Why’d you run away, Judai?”

The smaller completely stilled in Johan’s arms, his eyes staring up and glazed over with confliction. His lips trembled as he tried to open his mouth to speak, squeezing the back of the other’s neck as he did so.

“I...we-”

Before he could respond, Johan moved forward to close the gap between them, their lips locking together perfectly.

Judai automatically pressed back, almost instinctively, and Johan felt his heart burst into a blossom of soothing warmth and relieved cosiness. His head was a pink blur, releasing their lips for just a second to kiss him again, and Judai inhaled sharply at the action.

The feeling of being lost, yet found - Johan thought - was a magnificent one. He didn’t understand himself, but Judai’s lips against his made him feel he did. He didn’t know who he was, but their heartbeats beating in unison made him think he knew.

Judai comforted him in a way no one else ever could.

They separated eventually, their foreheads resting against the other, and Judai kept his eyes closed as he lightly shook his head.

“Johan I…” he spoke, desperately trying to piece words together “we- this...I can’t-”

“Judai” he cut him off, staring at Judai’s now glowing red face “where are you staying tonight?”

“We can’t Johan, I-”

“Why?”

Judai opened his eyes, keeping them fixed to the ground, and took a few heavy breaths before he leaned back to stare at Johan with shining, conflicted orbs. But, before Johan could process it, the hands on his neck moved to either side of his face and suddenly Judai was kissing him again; with a lot more vigor this time.

Johan kissed back, opening his mouth to let Judai’s prodding tongue push in, hearing the sigh the brunette released as he let Johan lean over him and hold him tight in his arms.

It could’ve been the alcohol, or the added intoxication of the kiss, but neither cared about the world around them. They didn’t care that they were on a street, in front of a fountain, where anyone could walk by and stare. None of it mattered.

What mattered were the hands in Johan’s hair, the tongue sliding across Judai’s teeth, and the song still playing from Johan’s phone.

They were all that mattered, and nothing could convince them otherwise.


End file.
